A masked raccoon in Ashland, Virginia, made national headlines after it apparently fell through a ceiling tile at a liquor store, smashed open bottles and drank itself into a stupor before being found asleep in the bathroom on November 29, 2025. The bizarre footage captured a moment of real-world chaos that viralized fast, turning a simple animal misadventure into a national punchline.
Local animal-control officers handled the situation the way decent Americans expect: they secured the creature, checked it for injury, let it sleep off its trouble under the shelter’s care, and eventually returned it to the wild — a tidy, humane end to a ridiculous scene. That the county and store managed the mess without drama is worth noting in an era when small businesses are treated like props for woke media stunts.
Predictably, Saturday Night Live seized the moment and turned the raccoon into a cheap gag, with Sarah Sherman dressing as the “drunk raccoon” during Weekend Update and trading crude punchlines while an audience laughed along. This is the modern media machine at work: turn something local and stupid into a national punchline, then pat themselves on the back for being “irreverent” while punching down on ordinary life.
On Newsline, former Naval Intelligence Officer John Jordan — the kind of real-world, disciplined voice the media so often ignores — pushed back against the caricature and urged viewers to remember the context and basic decency of how the situation was handled. Jordan’s presence on Newsline is not a fluke; he’s a frequent commentator who brings a sober, commonsense perspective that contrasts sharply with late-night cheapshots.
Good conservatives should be the first to scorn both the vandalism of private property and the empty moralizing of coastal comedy clubs. But we should also celebrate the steady competence of local officials and business owners who cleaned up the mess, not amplify a national mocking campaign that elevates snark over substance. It’s a reminder that real life — hard work, responsibility, and community standards — matters more than a viral clip or a late-night writer’s gag.
If the “drunk raccoon” becomes a footnote in late-night fodder, so be it; but let’s not let the elites turn every small-town story into a vehicle for their contempt. Stand with the shopkeepers and the animal-control workers who did their jobs, and keep your anger for the real problems: open borders, collapsing respect for private property, and a media class more interested in a laugh than in accountability.
America is better than a cable sketch and tougher than a viral punchline. We can laugh at oddities, but we will not let celebrity comedians erase the dignity of ordinary people or the institutions that serve them. The raccoon went home — and so should the lazy smugness of those who think national relevance requires ridiculing the rest of us.
